Category: Humour

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

Boards finally caught up with my last two long-term reregs. Last is the operative word though, the only value it had left for me was getting technical / local questions answered, and between the decrease in clue there and the increase of quality of other sources, the few minutes it would take to proxy a new account just isn’t worth the effort. The general quality of discussion has collapsed in on itself like a sphincter, the inability to mention any brand or person name is patently ridiculous, the bias and patent cluelessness of a good majority of the moderators is depressing, and the corporate nature of the whole affair has become utterly transparent.

I had great fun there over the years, particularly during the IrelandOffline and Cork Boards Beers years. I still go drinking with some of the Cork Boardsies semi-regularly, and enjoy their company immensely. (Because of the beer, obviously.) And of course I met my lovely wife there, with whom I have two lovely boys, and another on the way. I’m done now though. I’ve deleted the bookmark a few times in the last few months, but enough is enough. Go fuck yourself Boards. You’re a shadow of your former self.

All of which is a roundabout way of saying I’ll probably be spending far too much time on Reddit now. Which is where I found this.  It’s “duck” btw. Filthy mind.

As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet..
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.