Bertie's Early Retirement Fund

Bertie Ahern has announced to the nation that he will retire at 60, which could well mean another eight years of his smug grin in the media; another eight years of political mismanagement; another eight years of teen-level finance policy by his best mate McGreedy.

Pledges 29
Totalling € 5728
Comments 24

Bertie practising his Total World Domination Evil Grin
Mammy, Bertie Is
Scaring Me!

We want to help him on his way early, help him settle down with his family of assorted teen idols and hangers-on as soon as possible, so that a more qualified candidate can take over and pick up the pieces of Bertie's leadership (if Eff-Eff can find one). Won't you help Bertie out?

All you need to do is make a pledge. A real pledge. How much would you really give up to help Bertie on his way, how much can you really afford? Pledge that amount today and we'll total it up for Bertie, where he can see for himself how much the people of Ireland are willing to spend to get rid of him.

We'll email all of your pledges and comments to the man himself so he can read and consider them in the peace and quiet of his padded cell office. We need to confirm your email address first though, since Bertie's buddy Mikey McDohell thinks you might be a terrorist. Or worse, a journalist!

Pledge Now!

Send an email to Bertie.
Make my comments public.


From Horse, who pledged €250:  “Can I have two large Bertie Burgers and Fries, supersized! And a National Stadium Meal without the Salad. We'll be sitting in the smoking section thanks”

From Lizzie & Jen, who pledged €1:  “This is from two of the spongers its all your worth.”

From Ted, who pledged €1000:  “Asta La vista Bartholomew, I must say it was a hoot watching you try to act the statesman beside the likes of Tony Blair. As a country we are now officially in the shitter, I will resist the temptation to talk about how irritating and unpleasant this country has become, instead I will volunteer my services to help you pack, I believe Liberia is looking for a new government, Harney can act as your personal bodyguard if things get hot and the locals attempt a coup, mcgreedy (love that) can work his financial wizardry, at least he can't make it worse than it already is (or can he?).”

From Andrew Shine, who pledged €1:  “I would love to give you more but you see im a student and therefore you have taken all my money anyway.”

From Dave Wall, who pledged €50:  “If I had the kind of money that would be needed to retire this muppet I'd use it to have him sectioned and have Web cams placed in his padded cell so we could all logon and watch him suffer.”

From Alexis Molina, who pledged €1000:  “please gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”

From tom-thebox, who pledged €1000:  “good work.”

From LukeK, who pledged €1:  “bertie i will donate a euro twords some colgate & slim fast for you - seriously didnt they have tootpaste & brushes in your day?!? maybe u should make them available on the medical card so this generation wont end up with a gob like urs”

From JamesMelody, who pledged €5:  “Bertie you are terrible politician, the sooner you are gone the better!! This will fit in nicely with the brown envelopes I have seen passed to you in the Beaumont House”

From sean mc dermott, who pledged €1:  “Bertie i never thought i would say this ,but wed be better of if the british still ruled, we would have more money in our pockets, dont get me wrong im an irish man, but im breaking my back trying to pay for a house, a car/insurance, your in charge your ment to be helping us not make our lives harder”

From I O'Grady, who pledged €25:  “Anyone, & I mean anyone else would make a better job of it. Get the 2 bit crooks out. I'll pay for your first retirement make-over. ”

From Peter Malone, who pledged €2:  “Now you can get a euro saver meal with my pledge!”

From matthew lemon, who pledged €100:  “Bertie get out !”

From Jimmy, who pledged €1:  “a FG/Lab Coalition? I might not like ya Bertie but don't leave us at the hands of the Blueshirts and the "Smoked Salmon Socialists", all is forgiven!”

From Martin, who pledged €25:  “€25 should actually stretch a bit Bertie, try it for a week. You won't buy much make-up with it There is a very poor opposition at the moment, yet I still believe that it's better than the government. Move on and let Ireland have its welfare system, public transport, neutrality and a feeling of hope if you're not loaded once more.”

From Éanna Buckley, who pledged €1:  “seeing as a trial for treason is unlikely..............”

From Ronan, who pledged €100:  “I don't mind putting in .100 to move you Bertie. Its a lot less than it will cost us all if you stay. Why don't you go and start a church in the states or something?”

From Dar Collopy, who pledged €1:  “I would have liked to have pledged much more but that clown Bertie and Noel Dempsey have ensured that like every other student in the country I'm too poor to... :-(”

From Jim, who pledged €1:  “Bertie you are not as bad as everybody is saying! Hang in there boy and keep my SSIA growing- Don't increase de income tax at de budget and screw all de bleedin whingers. Most of em are too mean to even pay their bin tax and as long as unemployment is <5% you can be de Taoiseach for as long as you want- MM and all de oders will just have to be patient!!”

From Frank, who pledged €5:  “Bertie's not the worst of them, but I think he's regressing back to de anorak days. Only a fiver for me, but I might be back...”

From Seamus Ryan, who pledged €50:  “I'll happily match Adam Beecher's pledge of 50 euros to send Bertie to retirement land early. I reckon I'll easily make the money back when someone competent takes over. I think of it as a little deposit on my future and that of everyone else. With the money Bertie can buy his /own/ camera phone while the rest of us can worry about important things like citizens' welfare. I'm not kidding. Resign now and a fresh 50-euro note will be yours.”

From Stuart Kenny, who pledged €2:  “There's .2 for the bus. Now feck off home.”

From Dave Ryan, who pledged €25:  “Feck off Bertie!”

From Adam Beecher, who pledged €50:  “Yes, I really would lash out .50 to get rid of you at this stage Bertie. The only problem is, who's gonna replace you? Not Micky anyway. Biffo? God love us. Roll on the FG-Lab coalition, that's all I can say.”

Copyright © 2003 Adam Beecher. All Rights Reserved.